Saturday, February 13, 2010

Is it in English? No...English? No...ENGLISH!!!

I really don't watch much TV at all. Especially as it's alllll the way in the basement. Here however in my lovely apartment it has become much more convenient and so...interesting! It's always surprising what you will find that you can actually, you know, understand. We sit here and flip through the few channels we have, around 10 maybe, and just stop on anything that's English. So far generally ONE channel has English, though sometimes two do. And well if you want to watch TV you just watch whatever you can. And what programs are on Danish television? (not cable though we're getting the cheapest stuff I'd imagine...)

Will and Grace, Gilmore Girls, Dharma and Greg, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, The Daily Show, Friends...these are all really common. Then you get realllly random movies, like 'Sleeping with the Enemy' and I wish I could remember the other one but I can' had that cool guy with the accent in the new Batman who...trained him in the mountains...and he was a closet homosexual I believe...but yeah. 'Tattoo Hunter' was something else...but when you get something, oh and Family guy of course! When you finally get that English show after Danish sports, news, soaps, etc, you just LOVE IT. Will and Grace = amazing for the first time in my life...haha. Even other really bizarre shows, if we're in here just hanging out making food or something, we're so into it. Just because we know what they are saying haha.

Now for the Danish television...let me just start with this. When I first woke up here after a 7 hour nap whilst I was living in the lounge, it was about 1 am. What can I do but maybe watch some TV right? Turn it on...and it's a show where people are SLEEPING. Just zooms in and out of focus on different scenes of maybe 15 or so different characters sleeping, and I mean characters like crazy fake sleepers with makeup, or puppet-face masks on, or giant bears with hooked arms sleeping...A giant frog....its really weird. A clock ticks the whole time and it says in Danish at the top 'We will wake up in...however much time". It goes for 9 hours, one time I caught the beginning when the giant bear was going to bed. Apparently it's a new show here for kids on the kids channel, and it's been a huge hit. The characters are all apparently hosts of the different kids shows on that day....and man you see some weird stuff on that kids channel. Some of the weirdest cartoons..and this weird ...'giant foam-clothed druggedout looking people pretending to be kids at a primary school' show...everythings in Danish too. When I first saw the sleeping show too I thought that it would be something that would scare me...nope! haha so weird...

So, now for the other show we (myself, Marcella and Kate), recently saw....and this is 6 you'll see this is pretty sketch stuff to be on at 6 pm....

Scenario - woman is doing the dirty with a guy in a car, and you just see her hair right, so we're like, what! how is this on! then she gets off him and shes like...just nasty looking, older and way way tanned/wrinkled with this super bleached hair and just a hard face, the guy is gross and angry looking, she gets out of the car and he drives away, she goes to her little yellow one and then is suddenly in her heels, same outfit, showing people a house like a real estate agent through the mud...and THEN out of nowhere it's like the show stops. And there is suddenly this barn with GIANT eggs in it, with heat lamps over it. Asians are then born out of the eggs, they crack and everything, super weird. Then suddenly this old nasty man is raping a newborn Asian woman with freaky eyes who is just lying there and you think she's dead, and THEN this other guy is teaching her how to FISH. WHAT IN THE WORLD and then the show is OVER. So, naturally, we were just like....very how this is a show. Doesn't help when it's all in Danish you know? Though maybe we don't want to know what anyones saying...

Amazingly I managed to catch this show again the other night, saw a bit more this time. The blonde girl seemed to get fired from her job as a real estate agent, she was very angry, then she went off to meet up with that man and they fought too and she was very sad. Then news reporters were at the farm with the eggs, where another was born. The man who took the Asian woman fishing took her shopping and taught her how to push a shopping cart. He brings her back and they are having ice cream. Old rapist man is very angry and comes to beat up the other guy, Asian woman from the egg drops her ice cream, falling on the ground in what seems to be a seizure. AND THE SHOW IS OVER. But I found out it was called Bingoland, and you can look that up but the site's all in Danish, you can even watch a bit of one too, 30 minutes! Good idea I think if you want a little Danish television experience, apparently it's a satire but I'm not really getting it...

I think that's about it, a discovery show about...some boats was just on but neither me nor Liz, one of my flatmates (she is awesome, from Korean/Canadian, cooks up some of the best smelling food I've ever been around), are watching it. But it is in English :) Oh I want to learn Danish! But anyways, while I feel like I'm accomplishing something, writing everything down even if it's just so I can remember it, I must go to bed, catching a train to Sweden tomorrow to check it out there, apparently things are cheaper yay! A show about who shot Kennedy is on now...oo and so was that US 93...the 911 movie, that was on. I don't know how people could ever feel really homesick from the US, just turn on the radio or the TV, walk into the booksale thing right in front of Bilka's (and part of Bilka's) and see an autobiography by McCain, I mean US stuff is everywhere. :) And you can always go to McDonalds, Burger King, or KFC!

Oh another weird show - for about 30 minutes this girl was filmed just sitting at her computer listening to music or something, sort of bobbing around, and it was like the camera was behind some plants really secretive. She even had a friend stop by and they chatted though you couldn't hear anything and random music was just playing. No idea what that was about either.

Hmm one more thing you never think about, even the shows that have English speakers on it, like say a travel show, when they go travel around and speak to people in different countries, that's not translated into English! it's just subtitled in Danish and then you're like, oh CRAP it doesn't even matter that this is in English I'm missing so much!

ALSO, (haha I just keep going on and on, me+blog=horrible idea), I keep finding myself really in to Danish commercials, which look like they are HILARIOUS but man sometimes you don't know...but I'll be watching something, and even with some flatmates we do the same thing...and once this really informative commercial was on, some guy just talking and talking and taking a train or metro somewhere, sounded so important and we are just leaning off the couch entranced, and then we were like, wait we have no idea what this is about! ah but it sounds so important! That type of thing happens a lot...suddenly you're just like, oh wait, Danish. Aww :(

What I'm hoping for is that if I hear enough of it suddenly it will just CLICK and I'll understand everything, like in Gulliver's Travels! Great book if you haven't read it. Ok, betime!


  1. I just have to say - this was pretty much the funniest thing I've heard in awhile. Danish television sounds VERY interesting.

    All I know of Danish tv are that they have some envelope-pushing commercials. Supposedly Europe allows more nudity than we do here in the US.]

    No Google translate? Here's the plot synopsis:

    "New Danish satirical series A sharply satirical portrait of a nation that annually voted the world's happiest - although both suicide and pill consumption even when record levels. In the program, we meet the fiscal crisis estate Gitte, farmer brothers Soren and Torben, and a host of other happy Danes."

    Haha basically it tells you nothing, except that it's a brand new series.

    Also, may I just say that it sounds like something you would dream about? hahaha except maybe all the weird sexual stuff...

  2. You have turned me on to Google Translate, thank you Katrina! hahaha and the dream thing, you crazy woman! I feel awkward haha...